EAT YOUR PORK SLOWLY PROVIDES A GOOD LAUGH

Rummaging around the Internet can be a bit of a humdinger of a good time of sorts, because getting around, you never really quite know what you're going to find out here. There's just a ton of crazy videos, whacky pictures, and sometimes just downright plain silly stuff. People love to share a lot of silly stuff. If you ask me, TV's got nothing on this Internet thing. Not even close.

I'm sure my wife would argue with me about that. I spend far more time on the Internet than she does, and she's a bit of a couch potato when it comes to the boob tube (sorry babe, I love you!). A lot of people tell me I spend far too much time out here on the old information superhighway, and so it's quite possible I may have formulated a tiny bit of bias. Hell, I've been here so long I even still call it the information superhighway. For Pete's sake I still type in "w-w-w!"

Of course, my main interest tends to be on the order of politics. Man, I spend a lot of time on that stuff, chewing it all up, trying to get a feel for all the subtle little flavors tinging my tongue, and then trying to spit it all back out in little deciphered bits and pieces. It's not an easy task, mind you. There's so much crap out on the political landscape it's not even funny.

So, being that I mostly read about politics and write about politics, a word like "pork" becomes a very intriguing one. The phrase "eat your pork slowly," is even more eye-catching as it comes just about the time a little bill happens to be in the process of being shoved through Congress—okay, really there's a couple of little bills in the House right now. One's about health care and one's about jobs. And so that just adds to the intrigue. Yeah, there's enough pork in either one of those two bills to make Smithfield Foods quite the envious ones...if only they could get their hands on just some of that bounty of swine, boy what a business they would have. Nobody does pork like the United States government does.

So when I came along that title, "Eat Your Pork Slowly," I thought for sure I knew what I was getting into. I mean, it's not that I'm unfamiliar with who the writer of the piece is. On HubPages he goes by the moniker tobey100, and he does talk politics.

Of course, when I clicked on through, what I actually landed upon had nothing to do with those two pork-laden bills in Congress right now. There was nothing in there about Nancy Pelosi, or Harry Reid, or even a republican for that matter. Nothing at all. It was a story about a guy by the name of Haskell Sizemore who is a pig farmer who's got a prize pig named Beau. Not any pig mind you. I said a special pig. You see, this special pig actually saved the entire Haskell family from a fire one day. This is a remarkable pig to be sure. The story is good too. On the order of one of those silly things I was talking about earlier. But good silly.

Now, of course, I did just now tell you that this fun little story on the order of silly was not about politics. Then again, maybe it was. Just a little bit. There is a bit of an underying political edge to this little ditty about Haskell Sizemore and his remarkable pig after all. I'll grant you, it's quite subtle. But it is there.

I mean, think about it. Here's this pig that does the grandest of things for Sizemore and his whole family. He puts his own life and livelihood on the line, in a sense, doesn't he? I mean come on, he's a friggin' pig, on a pig farm for God's sake, and we all know what happens to a pig on a pig farm. Why wouldn't he see the pig farmer's house ablaze, yell a couple of glorious "yips," and then open the gates to free his comrades from their inevitable fates? Instead, he see's the pig farmer's house ablaze and then goes to the house and wakes up the whole family and they are saved.

Perhaps old Beau just had an ulterior motive. That could be it. By the way, did I ever tell you that ulterior motives sometimes don't always work out quite the way we expect them to?

Anyway, do you see it just a little bit? The correlation. Maybe it's not quite clear yet. I don't want to give anything away, that would take all the fun out of it. But I bet if you read the story, I'm sure you'll get it. Beau knows exaxctly what I'm talking about. Haskell Sizemore don't get it. But trust me, Beau knows.

READ "EAT YOUR PORK SLOWLY" BY TOBEY100
Eat Your Pork Slowly