"I'm Drunk And I'm Driving."

If you heard someone telling you a story like this you'd probably think, "My God. That's a really tall tale." That is, a man spends his whole day drinking, and even somewhere along the line decided to swallow some methamphetamine as well, gets in his car drunk as a skunk, and then...

Wait for it...

Calls 911 to report himself drunk driving. Yes my friends, you have it right. Truth is stranger than fiction.

Florida resident Michael Lester did exactly this on New Year's Eve, calling into 911 to report that he was drunk driving. When the operator asked him for his location he basically stated he had no idea. He was too drunk to know. 

Not that he was really out to look after public safety from himself and his poor decision making. It appears that the man has a rather long rap sheet which includes previous DUI offenses, along with other crimes like hit and run, drugs, and battery. In fact, he actually at one point during the call told the 911 operator that he was driving around trying to get pulled over, even driving on the wrong side of the road several times.

Either way, he was off the street at least for the night, and it made for a pretty good story to boot. The cops who arrested him and the 911 operator who took the call will be telling this one for years to come at many a gathering.

His Arm Signaled A Turn of Events

I find myself constantly going back to that age old school of thought that truth is stranger than fiction. Sometimes news stories come around that just sort of provide another example of confirming that some things you just can't make up. Stories like one a few years back where a would be burglar was found naked, stuck in a ventilation shaft. Apparently he disrobed, oiled up, and made his way through the shaft until he got stuck.

He thought the oil would be good lubrication to get him through a few of the tight spots.

Ahem. Seems that did not quite work out for him the way he intended. But it made for one heck of a story nonetheless, did it not? Even, if I remember correctly, the reporter who did the story was having a bit of a tough time keeping a straight face.

Who wouldn't?

And there was another story of a man in Wisconsin who after, admittedly, a little bit of excessive drinking decided to mow his lawn only to have his lawn mower being less than cooperative in that effort. It wouldn't start, and so of course the most logical thing to do would be to go into the house, grab your gun, and unload a few rounds into the thing.

Haven't we all wanted to do that from time to time with a few things?

Enter Arthur Lampitt who had an automobile accident 51 years and wound up having a 7-inch turn signal lever from an old Ford Thunderbird lodged in his arm. The lever apparently went unnoticed, and so far as Lampitt was concerned, he didn't even know the darn thing was there.

Until he was trying to lift something and something popped.

It was of course the turn signal lever from the accident. It was apparently removed without incident at his local hospital after a procedure which only took 45 minutes to complete. Arthur Lampitt and the turn signal lever are both fine.

You really cannot make this stuff up!

It makes me wonder, at times, as I sit trying to figure out the latest thing to come up with for a fictional tale why I even bother? Hell, just start sifting through the newspapers and I am sure something stranger than anything I might otherwise come up with will be right there in front of me.