I'm Just Going to Stick with What I Know, Thank You Very Much: It's Columbus Day

by Leonard Knath, staff writer

I'm sorry. Did you just call it Indigenous People's Day? I have a new name for it too, actually, now that you mention it. I am going to call it Blow it Out Your Ass Day. In other words, you can take your political correctness and literally shove it where the sun doesn't shine, and I don't really care about what you think about that any more than you care about changing history, and what a holiday is called.

As it happens to continue to be a free country, with the 1st Amendment so far untouched by cancel culture, I am going to say what I want just like you feel so free to.

By the way, have you seen a bottle of Pearl Milling pancake syrup lately? It says right on the label, "Formerly Aunt Jemimah," so what are you really accomplishing here anyway? I think nothing but more liberal BS that only a very small circle of people care about that accomplishes nothing but to create more division.

Curated by the very people who drive around in Tesla's crying about climate change with "Coexist" stickers on their bumpers while acre and acre of land is mined for minerals to make batteries as coal plants burn ton after ton of coal to bring sparks of electricity to the very plug you put in where the evil gas pump is supposed to go.

Ah. I get it. We're saving the planet and saving ourselves from...ourselves. For the greater good, supposedly. 

Ten years from now we'll be burying those massive car batteries, and ten years after that we'll have aquifers polluted by them after we bury them. The left who clamored so loudly for them will simply blame the big corporations for being the problem, of course.

"You were supposed to figure out how to recycle them. Not bury them!"

Look, whether or not it was Columbus who landed on our shores way back when or whether or not the people he saw when he landed were people from India or indigenous people doesn't matter. It's our history. Right or wrong. It's what it is. It's what it was.  

Why can't we just discuss the mistake? Why do we have to change the history? Why do we have to cancel it? What purpose does it serve to deny it? I mean, what if, in Germany, they completely tried to erase the Hitler era and make it sound more appealing? Because that's really what Indigenous People's Day is all about. Making people feel better. 

Like it or not, good or bad, we have a history just like anywhere else in the world. We don't have to like it. It doesn't even have to be a good history. Slavery sucked, for example. It was terrible. The Jim Crowe days are no more appealing than a colonoscopy without anesthesia or lube. But it still happened.

You can call the day whatever you want to call it. That's your right just like it's mine to call BS on it, and to continue to call it Columbus Day. I'm only mad about it because you're mad about what I want to call it. Otherwise, I couldn't give two hoots.

But that's part of it too, isn't it? You want to control me. You want me to conform to your demands. You want me to crater under the weight of your pressure.

"You can't call them Indians."

Oh, the hell I can't. You can try your best to rewrite history and change the story. You can tear down the statues and rename the pancake syrup. But what you can't do is change the facts, no matter how badly you want to or no matter how hard you try.

Since 1937 it has been called Columbus Day. If you want to call it something else, that's fine. But you're going to have to step in line and wait your turn if you want everyone else onboard with it. It's been Columbus Day for far longer than you have been opposed to it being called that. And if I call it what it is to me, well, you're just going to have to accept it just like you expect me to call it what you want me to call it now.

Season's greetings or Merry Christmas? I don't know. Both are correct. You decide. But don't try to tell me which one is right, and which one is wrong. You don't get to have exclusive dibs on who makes the rules. That's not how it works.

Leonard Knath, pronounced like math, is a seeker of truth and an adamant denier of the status quo. He makes his home in Stratford, New Jersey in Camden County where he lives with his wife Dee and their two cats, Lawson and Saul.

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© 2024 Leonard Knath

Social Security and the Global Cash Shuffle

by Leonard Knath, staff writer

I am starting to wonder about the money. You know, the money we supposedly don't have to shore up Social Security that the Democrats keep throwing out there? "It will be insolvent by (insert date here)." It's something we've heard for decades, and the prediction seems sort of akin to the one about the end of the world disaster claims the left likes to make all the time.

You know, those lefties. They sure do like to predict disasters, don't they? It's almost like a favorite pastime of theirs.

The end of the world is coming folks. Hold onto your britches, grab your ankles and stock up on your kale and kombucha.

Oh yeah. And don't forget to send us some more money to make sure we can take care of these most important issues facing all of humanity. Yeah, yeah. More taxes. Lefties like those too. Only, so long as it comes from someone else's wallet—let's go bilk the rich!

How long has Social Security been going insolvent for now? It's not gone yet. It's just sort of chugging along like a rusty tricycle. But it's coming. That front wheel is going to come off any time. It's just a matter of time, folks.

Are we to believe them? 

There are billions of dollars of cash going over to Ukraine. Israel gets a billion-dollar arms coupon. Didn't we drop pallets of green on Iran not that long ago? There's a lot of money, it would seem, for everyone else. But Grandma's clutching onto her Social Security check like it's the last Twinkie before the apocalypse.

Priorities, right?

Not that I have anything against Israel. It's a real and frightening reality show over there. It's Survivor: The Middle East Edition. Only you don't get voted off. You die. The same goes for Ukraine. It's a tragedy. I feel for them too.

But what about Grandma? She just wants a modest check to keep her bingo nights alive. And she paid her dues to get it.

How does it look to her when she sees the government seems to have pockets deeper than the Mariana Trench but when it comes to finding money to shore up Social Security, the government turns their empty pockets inside out?

Stealth bombers? Sure, let's put in a few orders. What's a trillion bucks? Chump change, really. Money to go around to secure the rest of the world? Sure, fire up the presses. We've got work to do, folks. Who cares if we don't really have the money? 

What we have to do is cut through the bullshit. Americans have paid their dues. The government has made promises it ought to be able to keep. Americans work hard, grinding the 9 to 5 hamster wheels dodging office politics and burnt coffee.

All the while Grandma's been sending money her entire life to the very people now telling her they can't afford to give anything back. She may have some cataracts, but she's not blind. She sees all the money going to everyone else. Not only did she pay into Social Security. She paid into all the other stuff too that the government wants to spend money on.

The time is now to ask our government, where's our slice of the pie? When do Americans matter more than the rest of the world? Why do we keep sending the government money only to be told they don't have any for us while shelling out untold trillions to anyone but Americans?

It's a lie. It has to be. Either way, whether or not the money actually exists isn't even the point. If the government can find the money to support everyone else, I think they can surely find the money to help Grandma.

Leonard Knath, pronounced like math, is a seeker of truth and an adamant denier of the status quo. He makes his home in Stratford, New Jersey in Camden County where he lives with his wife Dee and their two cats, Lawson and Saul.

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© 2024 Leonard Knath